I decide!

When asked to describe yourself, do you generally begin with - 'people say that I am ...' or 'my friends believe ...'?

I've been doing it my whole life without even realizing it, until AP pointed it out. What does it mean? Well, you are defining yourself basis other people's opinions of you. Is it the right way to see yourself & define your self worth? I'm sure you know the answer to that.

It is a very dangerous way of being! These other people come with their own baggage, do not necessarily see the big picture and are not mature enough to make judgments about themselves, let alone other people. You have set your feelings & self worth up for a very bumpy roller-coaster ride by doing this. If someone praises you today then you feel elated & special but if tomorrow someone accuses you of being selfish or greedy your self worth is in the gutter.It's a very difficult place to be as you are not the one deciding the way you feel about yourself.

In order to grow as a human being and be the master of your feelings, this ownership of your self worth needs to be transferred back to you. You need to stop seeing yourself from other people's eyes and find your own eyes. I'm currently in the process of defining my center. It's a very challenging task and the progress is minuscule. I keep slipping back to what others are saying/thinking. But I'm trying not to focus on what other people say. I try to look at the objective truth myself  and decide what it means about me.

 There will be a day when I will be the only definer of who I am, what is my worth and how I feel everyday. Until then....

Holiday!

I'm off on vacation for the rest of the week. Wishing all of you fun times during the Diwali weekend.

P.S. This is where I can be found :)

Receiving!

I'm a terrible receiver. I'm very uncomfortable accepting a compliment. I don’t let other people pick up the restaurant tab, always insisting on paying my part. I feel very hesitant to ask for any help as I feel like I'm burdening the other person.

Most of us give easily, but often have resistance to receiving. It's not our fault, the focus has always been on giving. Since we were little children we have been trained to give to others, to think of others before ourselves and to refuse gifts or compliments. I remember being lectured in school on 'it is better to give than to get'.

However, constantly giving is not as selfless as we have been taught because if you give constantly and never allow yourself to receive, you cannot nurture yourself and replenish your ability to give. You tend to feel drained and taken for granted. But in reality it is you who is not allowing yourself to receive, always taking the provider position (it is your home state and hence familiar).

In order to be happy you need to have a balance between the 'give-take' in your life. You need to train yourself to be willing to receive without feeling the need to give back, knowing you are worthy and deserve to receive.

Next time, try to gracefully accept something someone has offered & feel special that you are worthy of someone's generosity.


P.S. The inspiration for this post is the following quote from Nelson Mandela's Inauguration speech 1994:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”