Hedonic Treadmill!

Think about all your fancy possessions. Is there any one you can think of that makes you smile whenever you see it, that can brighten you up when you have had a bad day, or can keep the low feeling at bay because you have it? I have lots of things I love but none would fit that description.

Sometime back, I came across a term 'hedonic treadmill' while reading a book. The concept seemed intriguing and I decided to find out more about it.Wikipedia defines it as follows:

'Hedonic Treadmill is the tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes. As a person makes more money, expectations and desires rise in tandem, which results in no permanent gain in happiness.'

Basically, when we get used to something it stops feeling nice.Human beings are blessed with the gift of quick adaptation.So we get bored of our luxuries fast and find new things to run after.Come to think of it, I got Rs 2,000 per month as pocket money from my parents when I was in college. Today, my disposable income has jumped manifold but my happiness levels have not.

Researchers believe that money, up to a certain point, makes people happier because it lets them meet basic needs. The certain point they are talking about is $10,000 ( roughly Rs. 500,000) per year. Most people I know make way more money but are still running after  more money because they believe more will make them happier. Once you are past that point, stop trying to accumulate more to enjoy tomorrow. Make that money work hard, today, to achieve your ultimate goal: your tryst with Mr Happiness!

Scientists studied 9 major categories of consumptions and their correlation to happiness. They discovered that the only category to be positively related to happiness was leisure and experiences: vacations, entertainment, sports, concerts, foreign language lessons, cookery classes, etc. Spending money for an experience produces longer-lasting satisfaction than spending money on the fancy LV bag. Experiences helps build & strengthen your center and if it is a group activity it strengthens relationships, which in turn leads to happiness. The quality of people’s relationships has the strongest correlation with their happiness.

A famous professor Richard Schoch said," If we crave material luxuries, then it will become harder and harder to be happy. No shoe will be stylish enough, no car fast enough, no house palatial enough because in the chain of desire there is no last link."

Biophilia!

Has it ever occurred to you, what creates a sense of calmness & the 'life ain't that bad' feeling when you:
- go for a hike in the hills,
- admire the ocean from your comfy sunbed on the beach,
- watch the sunset while driving

Biologists call this phenomenon biophilia – the human need for and love of natural places. The theory propounds - 'the spirit of nature runs through all living things and subconsciously connects us to our natural environment.'

Scientist believe everyone is touched by such experiences though some have stopped registering it, due to the ever increasing isolation from nature. I was a part of this category of people earlier. I seemed more fascinated with the mall & its goodies.
PG shared that a connection with the elements of nature is important to create a sense of internal peace. I needed to start taking notice and admire it with a fascination, as if I was seeing it for the first time.

It takes effort to be consciously aware of  your natural surroundings. It only happens when you are in the present moment, which is a mammoth task in itself. I have worked very hard at it and can feel awareness seeping in. Of late I have become quite fascinated with trees. I notice them all the time. I admire their form, the shape of their branches, the green, everything and it creates quite a feeling of exhilaration.


It might sound far-fetched to you but I give you the right to shun it only once you have sincerely tried it.

Go ahead, enjoy your connection with nature, by simply being alive to it!

holiday time!

I'm on vacation for the rest of the week. Check out some of the stuff I've been tripping on, while I'm gone.

Love Coke Studio!

-  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjaH2iuoYWE
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra5nTlty6CM
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoAWuUQyuVc&feature=related


Send a message to my friend Chander on the follower list, if you want the torrents to download the HD versions or to rip the audio.

Hasta Pronto!

Nurture!

A 4-year-old girl is siting on the pavement outside her house and crying. She is too scared to go home as she fears her mother will scold her because she broke a vase in the living room.

It makes me wonder why is life full of such paradoxes. I have gone through 20 years of education (I count kindergarten as education) to be branded capable/qualified to get a regular 9 to 5 job in a company.  They are still not sure if, after all the education, I can handle the responsibility. So they create process flows for everything on earth,some totally ridiculous like - how to talk to your neighbor, etiquette of writing an email etc. To top it all they invented - the BOSS.

On the other hand, a responsibility as mammoth as giving birth to a child and bringing him up is allowed with absolutely no training or education. The only qualification required, at least in India, is getting married.

AP shared with me that sensitive & responsible parenting is required for a child to develop a healthy sense of self as the human brain develops to 90% of its adult weight & capacity by the age of 4. The basic architecture of the brain develops during pregnancy, but the connections between the different parts of the brain are formed in the initial years. Hence what a child experiences and how it experiences is critical for it’s future. I wish someone would teach that to the little girl's mother.

I read somewhere ‘don’t leave it to nature, nurture’.

Happy Birthday Dweepi!

Today is one of my closest friend's birthday. But I cannot wish him.

He died 3 years back.The last time I met him was also his birthday - 5th Aug2007, a month before the ugly car crash took him away from us forever.

I miss you. I remember your smiling face all the time. I hope you are bringing as much happiness and laughter to everyone in heaven, as you did to me. Growing up would have never been the same without you.

I feel blessed that you touched my life in the short span that you were here in this world..

"Hell is other people." - Jean Paul Stare

 I go to a party. I meet:

- X, who is raving about his exotic travels.

- Y, who has lost oodles of weight and looks stunning.

- Z, who just got a kick-ass job and won't have space to store his millions soon.

- Ze, who recently quit corpo slavery & started his own design studio

What happens to me? All of you are super smart to figure out, I'm assuming :)

Comparison is a curse on  humanity. It breeds inadequacy, envy and unhappiness.

I came across a funny and insightful study conducted by 3 psychologists at Cornell University. Olympic bronze medalists are happier with their positions compared to silver medalists. The bronze medalists tend to compare themselves with all the people who did not win a medal, whereas the silver medalists compared themselves to the gold medal winners & torture themselves thinking they could have won the gold. 

The only way to deal with this curse is to love & appreciate yourself. 

It's a 2 step approach:

- Stop focusing on how brilliant other people are and all the cool stuff they are doing. The world always looks rosy from a distance.Everyone has their struggles and shortcomings. Nobody, till date, has been perfect. Yes, people have strengths and we should appreciate them.But, it doesn't imply that you are inadequate and useless. You too have strengths, it's just that you have not acknowledged and accepted them as of now.

- Nurture and love your self. You are unique. Find your center and enjoy it. I'm working very hard to find mine and struggling. I will share it with you as soon as it takes shape.

" You are who you think you are, so think the best for yourself" ~Author Unknown

Defining my happiness!

The enormity of the task has been making me put it off for a bit. I have been wandering around, looking for  inspiration to trigger the flow. Finally I found it. Watching a bunch of 6 year-old kids playing soccer in the rain. It, truly, is about the basics.

Happiness means many things to me.

Happiness is being carefree here and now, in the present moment. To think or worry about absolutely nothing and truly enjoy just being. Not processing the - what, how, who, oh god!, why not, I wish, maybe, hopefully... I'm working very hard on sending the monkey on vacation.
I read somewhere 'Paradise cannot be a moving target'. It can't be in the future - I will be happy when I  go for a vacation , when I get more money, when I'm thinner,when I quit my job. Happiness is to experience & enjoy the truth of the moment and the effort behind it. 

Happiness is being aware of and enjoying the small things in life, like nature. Noticing trees with freshly washed leaves, these days, triggers a sense of joy in me. I really look forward to driving on the road outside Talkotra Stadium with the aging trees forming a overhead green roof. I took nature for granted for so long, having grown up in a hill station/cantonments.Coming to arid Gurgaon has really made me value & admire it. I read about a very interesting concept - Biophilia. But I will save it for a later detailed post.

Breaking the cycle of relativity is happiness.This is a big one and I struggle with it the most!

Not falling in the trap of instant gratification is happiness. Every time I forgo swiping my credit card for frivolous branded crap I can easily do without, I feel a sense of achievement. The concept is called 'hedonic adaptation' and I'm going to write about it next.

The sense of security which my friends & family create for me is happiness. Every time AM smiles at me when he wakes up in the morning, every time mom/dad worry about me traveling alone late night, every time G, CM, V,& T make the long pilgrimage to the outskirts of NCR to just meet me, every time my sis calls me to tell me inane nonsense, I feel lucky that I'm special to so many people.It's a happy feeling to be loved!

To travel and experience new cultures and food is happiness!

Being active and busy creates a sense of purpose for me. Enjoying the small victories along the way is happiness. I'm experimenting with so many new things these days and taking small risks, for example this blog! It gives me a lot of joy to be learning and nourishing myself constructively.

Simply put, how I see it now is: Happiness is a 24/7 internal mellow sense of  life is good, I'm loved & special and everything will always be alright, whatever be the external circumstances.

Think!

Pause for a moment and ask yourself, what is your happiness? Don't try to continue reading with a mental note that I'll think about it later. It is the ultimate goal of your life. You owe it to yourself to know what is means to you.

It's ok if you drew a blank, had a few sketchy thoughts or  general ideas about it. All you need to do is be aware that you need to understand and define your happy state. It will come to you. The mind works in mysterious ways.Awareness is the first step to self discovery.

I almost sound like a psychiatrist!

Happiness 101

On the outside my life seems perfect. I have a well paying job, a loving husband, a beautiful home and great friends & family.What more can one ask for?

However,on the inside, I don't feel happy. When I share this with AP she asks me, what is happiness and what would my ideal happy day be like.It is,by far, the toughest question I have faced. I struggle with a few generalist statements and then it's all blank.My head starts to spin and I'm consumed by my foolishness. The realization dawns.I have a 1000 cribs and rants about not being happy, but I don't even understand what it means. I'm shocked at my ignorance and pledge to change. 

Out comes the computer and I type away noisily, determined to produce my masterpiece on what happiness means to me. Predictably, beyond a few lines on the good life no magic happens on happiness.doc. 

I decide to call upon the great minds of our 21 centuries at the bookstore to help me learn a thing or two about this damn thing which has perplexed me. I'm amazed at the amount of dope out there on the subject.I must say, it has provided quite a livelihood to many for centuries. So here is the list of few interesting things I learnt:

Happiness:
1. is the most fundamental of all human goals, underlying everything we do in life
2. is Nature's basic incentive for living.
3. is defined, by scientists, as a positive emotion creating a feeling of wellbeing, naturally enough, contentment etc.
4. is at the core of both the most basic experiences in life as well as the experiences in life we consider the most self-actualizing and enriching.
5.occurs in the human brain! We experience it consciously -- it is a state of mind.
6. is a conscious choice, not an automatic learned response by the brain.
7.is a function of accepting what is.
8.is different from pleasure though they appear similar. Pleasure is more external stimuli driven and happiness is internal.
9.can be measured quantitatively. Look up the Gross National Happiness in Bhutan.
10.can now be produced in a lab by scientists. 
11. can mean different things to different people
12. Everyone wants it. Everyone dreams of finding it. But, most have no clue about the what and the how...
13. to most it is instant gratification; swallow a pill, get happy or swipe your credit card, feel kicked.
14. is considered a birth right today rather than something you work at. At your disposal sir 24/7!
15. is a huge marketing opportunity. Self help books generate $1billion in annual sales and anti-depressants a whooping $17billion.
16.is the single most sought after thing in the world.  
17.is not something that comes to you. It is something you create now, today.  

Happiness in Perpetuity: Paul Bond

Armed with all this information, I'm going to re-attempt my happiness definition. Stay tuned.Coming up next...